Dan Linley is a "Homo Sapien", but he's also so much more. He's a guy who wears a watch and is extremely skilled at gauging what time it is—within two minutes or so—without looking at said watch. He's an abysmal swimmer, but he's made his peace with it and so should you. He currently doesn't have a girlfriend but is very much looking forward to meeting a lovely woman to annoy/disappoint. He likes people who say please and thank you. Also, burritos. Mayonnaise can go straight to hell. He's a fan of Doctors Without Borders, but on the fence about Doctors Without Pants (see: childhood). Some of his favorite words are turtle, hydrant, plethora, and doorknob. He is preoccupied with the notion of tying a snake into a knot. Although he never would, it does seem like it's possible. He’s friendly and sincere yet some people say that he’s moody and ill-tempered. These people are called his friends. If the world were a triangle, globes would be much more lethal.