A few months ago, I made the executive decision to get myself some bangs. I wanted to be able to blow my hair out of my eyes in the adorable way Elliot does on Scrubs. I also wanted to be able to cut people open and prescribe drugs, and bangs seemed like a good first step to being a doctor. I went ahead and got the haircut, which I think we can all agree makes me a dead-wringer for Elliot right at the start of season three (think Tom Petty’s ‘American Girl’ but before Handmaid’s Tale and the death of Tom Petty made it so sad):

I had Elliot’s haircut, and I had her moxie. I was all ready to take over Elliot’s identity, so I decided I should go after her leading man. I just figured I’d tweet at Zach Braff a few times to let him know I was Elliot now, and then we’d be in business.

I first sent him this adorable little ditty, as pictured below:

When I got no response to that, I decided to send him this picture I took the day of my Elliot-like haircut. Please note this got 98 likes on Instagram:

It was taken on the toilet, and he still didn’t have the dignity to respond! No worries, I had one more picture that showed off my bangs, and this time, I was holding a dog. We all know Elliot LOVES dogs.

But still I got no response! Zach Braff clearly didn’t care that I had made myself look like his DREAM GIRL. Why didn’t he dump his model girlfriend to talk to me? He’s as much of a jerk as that Punk’d episode made him seem like.

Anyway, I learned a lot that day, namely that getting a haircut didn’t turn me into a fictional TV character. But it did get me 98 likes on Instagram, which honestly made the whole thing worth it. I wish I could get bangs everyday! To simulate that experience, I’ve been trimming my bangs each day. And now I have none.

Note: This is actually not my first Zach Braff-themed Medium post. Click here if you want more Ginny-Zach chemistry.

ZACH IF YOU’RE READING THIS I’M JK I BET YOU’RE REALLY NICE.