To everyone who participated in the three-legged race at the Froth and Mccarthy Attorneys at Law company retreat last weekend,

Sam and I are pretty new to F&M and we understand how lucky we are to be working at one of the largest mid-size property law firms in the Detroit metro area, so please recognize the courage it took to write this letter.

10 months ago Sam and I promised each other and ourselves that if we got hired together we’d keep our heads down, work our butts off and do whatever it took to make partner. We swore we’d never make waves or draw undue attention away from our sterling foreclosure record for a reason as silly as pride. But after what happened during the three-legged race at the company retreat last weekend, we both agree that we can’t in good conscience stand idly by and say nothing.

While it may go unstated, everyone here is smart enough to recognize that proper three-legged-race etiquette dictates that teams share three legs, two arms and one head. Just because a three-legged racer has three legs, doesn’t mean you get to throw everything else you know about biology out of the window. It would still make the most sense if each team not only shares a burlap sack to simulate having three legs, but also a single t-shirt through which the teams must decide which two arms and one head they want to use while keeping the two extra arms and one extra head tucked inside the shirt to maintain the simulation of a person who, despite having an extra leg, still has a normal amount of arms and heads.

The most frustrating part of this whole ordeal is that we know you all know proper three-legged race etiquette. And yet, you all just decided to just stick one of your legs in a burlap sack and call it a day while still wearing separate shirts, using all four of your arms and both of your heads, and neglecting to even pretend you care enough to adhere to the unspoken rules of a three-legged race. To see so many teams, every team other than us, actually, bend the rules to get a competitive edge and embarrass the two new guys in the office, says a lot about all of you and the culture at this firm; and news flash, it’s nothing good.

If a three-legged race allowed teams to also use four arms and two heads, it would be called a three-legged, four-armed and two-headed race. But it’s not. Of all people, we’d expect a bunch of lawyers to understand the importance of phrasing, but nope, you all seemed happy to ignore an obvious and inconvenient rule when it didn’t suit you. Shame on you all.

It wasn’t the fact that we came in last place that stung, it was the fact that no one had the balls to look around and stick up for us. You all laughed as Sam dragged me over the finish line, but deep down you all knew: just because a three-legged race is premised on the existence of an impossible runner with an extra leg, doesn’t mean they’d also necessarily have extra arms or an extra head. The fact you were all aware of that and still decided to stay silent, that’s the thing that hurt the most.

We’re not asking for much, just the dignity we deserve for having the guts to follow the rules. So if you see us in the break room, an apology would be greatly appreciated. Or if you want to sit with us at lunch and tell us that you made a mistake and that it won’t happen again, we promise to lend an ear. 

Please understand how hard this has been for Sam and I. All we can promise is it won’t interfere with our work. 

Sincerely,
Jad Bransen, BA, MBA, JD