by Heather Wright

Life used to be so simple, oh my youth was really swell
Before these blasted passwords made my life a living hell.
It started in the 90’s when I got my first e-mail.
I had to pick a password—here begins my tragic tale.

This was the beginning of my troubles and my ills
For passwords were required now for paying all my bills.
Electric bills and water bills, my mortgage and my car,
My plumber and my doctor and my plane trips near and far.

I entered password overload, I couldn’t keep them straight.
I dreamed of passwords all night long, the stress would not abate.
I started to forget them and I couldn’t do my work.
I missed appointments, lost my friends, I really went berserk.

I went home to be cared for by my loving, doting mom.
She took me in and pampered me until I felt more calm
But then, the doting stopped and she said something very wild
“You’ll need to show a password now to prove you are my child.”

I ran away and wondered where in God’s name I could go
Where passwords are not needed, and the pace of life is slow.
I thought about it long and hard and then it came to me.
My favorite place in all the world, the public library.

The library, a place to go for knowledge and for rest.
A place to learn, a place to grow, they welcome every guest.
I chose a book and sat right down, but then much to my shock,
“Password needed”, said the book, “in order to unlock!”

My bladder now was bursting, so I went to take a leak.
I opened up a stall, pulled down my pants, and gave a shriek.
For just as I was sitting down, some loud alarms I heard.
A sign flashed “Get your butt back up and enter your password!”

The only thing to turn to now, to make me feel less dread
Is man’s best friend, my faithful dog, my goldendoodle Fred.
Fred leaped for joy when I approached, then stopped to dig a hole.
In his mouth a paper saying—Put password in my bowl.

I guess I have to face the fact that times in fact do change.
In order to keep up, I’ll need my brain to rearrange.
Wherever I do wander, and wherever I do go
I’ll have my passwords right at hand, I’m going with the flow.

I sit right down to pay my bills and open my account.
I do what I’m supposed to do, put in the right amount.
But when I click the link to send, I get a notification.
My password isn’t what I need—now it’s two-step verification!