or
What to Yowl when You are Left Alone for an Extended Period of Time and the Television is Turned Off 

1. You are at exactly the correct spot, at exactly the correct time, to take that perfect dump. 
2. You are loved, just for enthusiastically licking your genitals, just for existing. 
3. Courage is simply showing up at that guest’s crotch. 
4. Open your heart to humping all the local bitches. 
5. Your urine aim is good enough, and doggone it, strays smell it! 
6. The ideal rotten corpse to roll on is right in front of you. 
7. You piss deliberately, and are afraid of nothing but the toddler next door. 
8. Your sense of smell is unique, and important, and peerless. 
9. You must mount the dogs you think you cannot mount. 
10. You are closer to opening the trashcan than you used to be, but, hopefully, not as close as you will be tomorrow. 
11. We must accept occasional disappointment, but never lose hope that the most delicious-smelling rear end is right around the corner. 
12. If you believe you are neutered, your ball sack will be small; if you believe you are a stud, your testicles will swing in humungous parabolas. 
13. Embrace the nimble squirrel hunter you are inside. 
14. Every scrap of food that falls to the floor is a reason to celebrate. 
15. This noxious gas, too, shall pass. 
16. Full anal sacks are neither good nor bad, just cream carpet makes them so. 
17. You are loved and worthy of dirty undergarments. 
18. You nourish yourself with the best hidden gems the kitty litter box has to offer. 
19. You will evolve past this costume your human has dressed you in. 
20. You are worth more than the sum total of holes your owner has filled in behind you.