Creative Director: Morning, gentlemen. Today we will write a commercial for AMC movie theaters starring Nicole Kidman from 2005’s ‘Bewitched’. We are going to write an ad to explain to people at the movies why they should go to the movies. Questions?

Sr. Copywriter: Will Nicole Kidman speak in her half-American, half-Australian accent?

Creative Director: Probably, no one knows where she’s from. The client wants us to focus on these points: What, where, when, and why? I’ve got most of it locked and loaded. What? The movies! Where? The movies! When? Whenever the movie starts. But the Why? That’s where I’m stuck fellas. Why. Why do we go to AMC Theaters?

Associate: Ummmm to see a movie?

Creative Director: Wrong!

Sr. Copywriter: That’s too boring. We need this ad to make no sense, it needs to be meta, so meta it’s unsettling.

(Silence.)

Associate: Ummm, ok, I’ll go first. Umm, movie starts with M, what else starts with M? Ughhh, mailbox, mighty ducks, Mitsubishi Mirage,…magic! Yes, that’s it, we go for magic!

Creative Director: Wow! Yes! But make it bigger, way bigger than any commercial for a chain movie theater needs to be. Make it too dramatic, so dramatic it’s confusing.

Associate: To cry! To care!

Sr. Copywriter: OK, wait a minute, wait a minute, we need to sell them more on going to the movies.

Copywriter: But they’re already at the movies?

Sr. Copywriter: Exactly! We need to convince the people who are at the movies, why they should be there. Let’s make them think, “Wow, I want to go to the movies,” and then BAM! They remember they’re already at the movies. Let’s confuse them so much that they must come back the next day to see another movie.

Creative Director: OK, that’s good, but we also need a buzzword to really lock them in. One that’ll stick.

The Intern Sitting in the Corner: REBORN!!!

(Silence. The men freeze, and their eyes turn to the intern, whose name none of them remember.)

Intern: Reborn. When you watch an AMC movie in a Target parking lot, you aren’t just being entertained. You don’t exit the 150-seat showing of Antman and the Wasp: Quantumania the same person you went in as. It breaks you, but you need that, you need your heart broken and put back together again.

(A round of applause fills the conference room. The men begin to stand up one by one. Their eyes well up with tears. The power of the intern inspires the room, and the men begin to shout out more ideas.)

Sr. Copywriter: Dazzling images!

Associate: Silver screen!

(Associate’s nose begins to bleed.)

Sr. Copywriter: Lights begin to dim!

(His ears emit smoke.)

Creative Director: We go somewhere! We’ve never been before!

(Creative Director’s mustache begins to grow, that mustache grows its own little mustache.)

Intern: Heartbreak feels good in a place like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Intern explodes, transforms into a dove, and flies away.)

(The remaining men lock eyes, catch their breath, and wipe away blood, smoke, and tears.)

Creative Director: Yes, heartbreak feels good in a place like this. It’s perfect, we’re done.

Copywriter: Cool, who wrote that down?