It’s really no fun getting older and older, 
My looks, well, it seems they have lost all their smolder.
But maybe I never was hot from the start, 
Who knows, all I know is I’m falling apart. 

It seems all was fine ‘till I went to the doctor, 
She probably thought “what I say now’s gonna shock her”, 
“My dear,” she said kindly, “you’re going to loathe this, 
But your cells have a case of malignant mitosis.
I’ve nothing to do tomorrow about noon, 
What say we meet up in the operating room?”

What followed was really no fun in the least, 
She sliced my guts open and took out the beast
That had taken up lodging inside of my tummy, 
All this leaves a person feeling decidedly crummy.

So suddenly I’m mired in a serious health quandary, 
(And hoping it maybe was just false hypocondrie),
But alas, the next thing my doctor threw at me 
Was 6 rounds of chemo, I’m not exactly happy
To find out that now I’ll be losing my hair, 
My life had been spared so you’d think I’d not care!

But know that the bald head was not the only issue, 
Are you aware of what chemo can do to gum tissue??
I maybe brushed my teeth with overzealous vigor, 
And created a cleavage that got bigger and bigger, 
Except not on my chest, (that would have been neat!), 
No this was a fissure below my front teeth!

So next I find myself strapped in a chair
at an Oral Surgeon’s posh and extravagant lair,  
He took a small pickaxe and hacked with abandon 
At the roof of my mouth and created a canyon,
“I’ll use this fresh tissue to graft your front gingiva, “
And meanwhile my heart’s in bout of arrhythmia, 
The hole on the roof of my mouth is atrocious,
I pray this doesn’t end with a case of necrosis!

“There, I’ve finished this job!”, the surgeon bequeathed,  
As he hot glued the tissue below my front teeth,   
It didn’t look great – think second grade art, 
But I was alive with a gum graft, bless my miserable heart!

The surgeon is happy with this whole disaster,
(Cause now he can pay off his home even faster), 
While here I am left with a mouth full of stitches,
And my wallet’s been emptied of most it’s riches.

So you’d think I’d be done with this terrible torture, 
Yet now I was facing another great horror,
I found after chemo and gum graft and life,
That my front teeth had shifted, causing more strife. 

So it’s back to the dentist, the orthodontia type, 
Who said I need braces! Now I really must gripe,
I’m sixty years old! So who woulda thunk
I’d be sharing a waiting room with middle school punks? 

My dentist said Invisible Braces were the best, 
“You’ll love them,” he promised, “You’ll be so impressed!”
They’re sort of clear trays that fit tight in your mouth,
But now I talk with a lispth while large spitballs fly out! 

You can’t eat with the trays in, you must take them out,
And then brush your teeth after, there’s no other route,
And you must wear the trays nearly 20 hours a day, 
Only 4 hours for eating, who thinks that’s ok??

I realize I’m old and I’m set in my ways, 
I can’t seem to figure how this fits in my day, 
Imagine being in Costco and offered a snack, 
But you can’t eat it now cause your tray time will slack.

I guess I’m just not very disciplined or stoic, 
But come on, I think only a queasy agoraphobic
Could follow this terrible schedule to a tee,
I’m certain it’s not made for anyone like me.

But now after a few years of wearing my braces,
I think I’m about halfway through the Invisible paces, 
Sure it took longer than the six months they promised, 
But maybe I’m not the best patient, to be honest.

But I won’t give up now, cause the finish is in sight, 
No, I cannot give up on this Invisible fight,
Even though when it’s finished I’ll be close to deadened 
At least I’ll finally be crowned an Invisible Legend!