How to Cut Your Own Pineapple 

Hey folks. This week we’ll be cutting our own pineapple. I hope you’re excited. 

We’ve all been in this situation: you mention you like pineapple once to a co-worker and when it’s your birthday they give you a boxful. 

“What do I do?” you ask. 

Don’t worry. I’ll show you. Here’s what you need:

pineapple

cutting board (or a cookie sheet)

sharp knife

First, cut off the crown of the pineapple—just below the fronds. 

Be careful when cutting pineapple. The fruit is very juicy and can make your hands slippery. Use extra caution to avoid cutting yourself.

Actually I’ve decided to change the topic for this week:

How to Safely Transport Your Severed Thumb to the Emergency Room

Hey folks. This week I’ll show you how to safely transport your severed thumb to the emergency room. 

We’ve all been in this situation: you’re cutting a pineapple while trying to read a blog and the knife slips and severs your thumb. 

“What do I do?” you ask. 

Don’t worry.  I’ll show you. Here’s what you need:

severed thumb

good hand with all fingers intact

gauze

tape

bowl (or bag)

First, staunch the blood-flow from the place where your thumb used to be. Wrap it with gauze, or use paper towel. Once wrapped, secure the gauze with tape. Be careful when touching the severed area—it’s very painful. 

It’s perfectly normal to faint from blood-loss. Just continue working when you wake up. 

Locate your thumb. 

Place it in the bowl—I’m using a shoe because the sight of my own blood is causing my brain to panic.

It’s important to remember you’re missing a thumb. So when you’re opening doors and turning the steering wheel—plan accordingly. 

Be careful while driving yourself to the emergency room.  You might feel dizzy from blood-loss or shock. Use extra caution to avoid passing out.

Sorry to do this again, but I’ve decided on a different topic:

How To Extricate Yourself from an Over-turned Vehicle and Recover Your Severed Thumb at a Crash Site