My sister lost her partner of 20 years. It’s sad. Really sad. She loved him. It’s been a year and since then she’s moved to my town to set up house and begin a new chapter. Now she’s making new friends through meet-ups. She just turned 60.

The problem for her is that she’s adorable. Perky and an all-round good catch. My sis likes to fish, hunt, camp, go to concerts and has a slobbery old yellow lab. She is potential girlfriend crack for eligible older bachelors. She goes to bowling meet-ups and they want to date her. She goes to parties and they want to date her. To wine tastings and they want to date her. (They might be drunk, but still, they want to date her.)

It’s just too soon. She’s still figuring things out. And they’re all so darn eager. Also, they’re old. She told me about one man—She said he’s short, bald and 70! (I told her that sounds like my husband!)

“Why would I want to date an old man?” she said. “I’ve already done that. They get older, you take care of them, they die– and then you start all over again? That’s crazy!” she said. “Yes,” I said. “I think you need someone in his late 40’s, early 50’s at the oldest.” I was not really being serious, but she’s thinking about it. Nice work if you can get it.

She found one very nice guy.  Great hobbies, nice sense of humor, pretty cute (in my book) and into wine, like her. We’ll call him Wine Man. She told him she just wanted to be friends. But he blew it. After hanging out a few times Wine Man made the mistake of having THE TALK. She gave him a polite “No.”

“But don’t you get frustrated?” he asked. “Want to sleep together?”

“No,” she said. Then she got out of his car after another otherwise delightful afternoon together. She gave him a hug. He leaned in for a quick peck on the lips.

“ON THE LIPS!” she told me, “Right after I just told him ‘No’.”

“Granted it was just a bare touch of my lips,” she mused, “I kiss my dog more than that,” she added.

“But you’ve known him longer,” I said in support.

Can men be just friends while women figure things out? I say yes. My husband and I were friends for 18 years before we figured things out. Granted, that’s kind of a long time. But still, I don’t think that men need to rush everything either. I told my sister it’s biology. No matter how slowly they cross the street, they are still fast, fast, fast in wanting to get to the other side. And Whoa, if she thinks her 40-year-old dream date is gonna want to walk and not run.

When I told the Wine Man story to my 27-year-old daughter she said “That’s why I like to be friends with gay men. You never have to have an uncomfortable moment.”

It does not matter the age. Even at 70+, those grey haired, chicken-necked male hormones are still trotting along as if nothing has happened. But the secret is to slow down a little. Play some hard to get buddy boy. Make her want you and miss you a little. We like the occasional emotional pin prick. (No pun intended.) Give us some time to heat up, I say.

If Wine Man followed that line of thinking, my perky sister might find him more interesting. Might want to check out his trail maps. Talk vintages. See if he really can cast a fly. Maybe even compare 12 gauges some time under the full moon. I told her to give Wine Man a couple of weeks to cool off and then ask him if he’s over it yet. If he’s smart he’ll answer, “Completely!”