So, we’ve had a chance to assess you now,
And we could ask you how it is going,
Or how you “think” it is going,
Which would be the usual red flag
Attached to the charging bull
Of the follow-up excoriation of your skills,
Now you have demonstrated how few of them you really have.
But — really — it’s our fault, we know.
We know what your colleagues must be thinking…
Who on God’s dear Earth was your competition
In the interview you clearly aced,
Or came close to acing,
Or — more likely — failed less comprehensively
Than your rivals?
Was Ming the Merciless a bit hesitant in his answers
To let someone through with even less empathy?
Was Atilla a bit reticent to claim his victories
To allow your CV of irrelevance to the post in hand
To win out on the day?
Did Genghis choke on his water
Or roll his eyes when we asked if he had any questions for us?

So, we’ve had a chance to assess you now,
And we could — we could — make you account
For being as useless as a battery powered strawberry
On a fishing expedition,
But we’d be much better off asking the question of ourselves…

What did we think we were looking for?
And how the hell was the answer to that question
Ever going to result in you?