(thinks he) GETS the LAST WORD

by Tonia Kalouria

(Scene:) Zaftig Belle gets it together
for a Silver Living’s “Grill and Dance.”
While distracted-hubby hooks-up “back things,”
comes “Belle’s Grill” about . . . “the pants.” 

“Hon, do these slacks make my bum look big?” 
“Oh, no, why even ask?” 
“Just wondered what you thought, my pet …” 
“Relax, you’re trim as grass.” 
“Would you describe my shape as ‘pear?'” 
“Oh, no Luv, Champagne Glass!”
“Are you quite sure I don’t look plump?” 
“You are a bonny lass.” 
“You truly think that I look slim?” 
“Those models you surpass.” 
. . .”Even Victoria’s Secret ones?” 
“Oh, those angels are Second Class.” 
(Exasperated)
“. . . But you’re a little …Tinker Belle —  
and — not some huge Bell Grande!”
“And I don’t want to parse this more….”
“Well, that’s just fine and dandy!”

(Poor Hubby thinks inside his head) 
“Harass, harass, harass!”
“Now’s the time to work my plan to settle this morass.”

“Belle, dear, I think I found a gift to settle our impasse.”
(The box-top’s gilded letters read: The Top and Bottom Brass.)
Red silky panties lurked within, their cheeky message clear: 

           Please Be Advised: Objects Inside 
                 Are NOT As They Appear