The trick to blowing your nose 
on toilet paper once you’ve run out 
of tissues is to make sure you hold it 
long ways, like a piece of loose leaf 
folded hot dog, not hamburger, 
because it rockets down, not out. So 
the next time you steeple your hands 
over your nose and inhale deeply, 
remember: the handkerchief 
doesn’t serve the vice versa purpose when 
you’re all out of two-ply.