Like a used hatchback with bald tyres negotiating the Matterhorn.
Like a Poundland water pistol against a rampaging rhino. 
Like a can of Coke Zero versus a Vesuvian eruption. 
Like a block of processed cheese attempting to comprehend nuclear physics. 

I keep going with the analogies, in the hope that there will be one that might fit the image we’ve so often seen on our screens this last year. 

Like an eight stone weakling against the Rock. 
Like a meringue sitting its viva. 
Like a wedding speech using only the lyrics of “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?” 
Like a parachute made from used napkins. 

There are plenty more where those came from. 
But perhaps they’re not needed. 
Because there it is again, on the screen right now –  
That look. 
On the prime minister’s face. 
Trying to comprehend where he’s gone wrong 
As if the question is in English, 
But he needs to answer in interpretive dance. 
And he’s tied his own shoelaces together. 

Actually, yeah, that one – that’ll more than do. 
Because, if you look under the table,
You’ll see he already has.