It should convey that I’m incredibly  
smart, but also that I’m capable  
of being a freak. I want to smell like  
I’m really pretty, but also really bitchy.  
I want something floral that makes it clear  
I hate the GOP. I want something that says,  
my age is ambiguous and it will be until  
I die. If it has vanilla, I don’t want to smell  
like a doughnut, unless it’s a sexy doughnut.  
The scent should conceal that I’ve had a serious  
illness. It should have a cute vibe, but not  
so cute that another man starts stalking me.