For My Dad

1. Drill.
2. Scarf (if he does not want socks) or socks (if he wants socks). Gloves also acceptable (NOT mittens).
3. (He wants socks.)
4. Meat. 
5. Meat ….seasonings?
6. A mug that matches or at least compliments the mug you bought him last year.
7. Drill but more expensive.
8. Oh god does he please have one hobby.
9. Something he will pronounce wrong. 
10. Promise you will go to law school next year.
11. Actually go to law school next year. 
12. Honestly, just cocaine. Who fucking cares? 
13. Hair regrowth treatment that costs more than $19.99 for once. Dad this is for your own fucking good, accept that products cost more that $20.00 sometimes. Not that often, but …sometimes.
14. A letter that expresses how much you actually appreciate him raising you and that you are thankful for everything he has ever done.
15. Ehhhh, too hard. Maybe try again n e x t y e a  r.
16. Shitty comedy piece.