by Ysabel Yates

The very first day I met him, my husband John won me over. He looked at me with his deep, piercing blackheads that were all over his back, and I just knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life trying to gouge them out with my fingernail. 

Twenty-five years later, nothing has changed. I still find the act of popping those juicy suckers so damn satisfying. 

Of course, I don’t just love him for his blackheads. There’s so much more to John, including white heads, papules, and pustules. I love everything that’s sprouting on him. 

My favorite time of day is when it’s just the two of us alone and I’m straddling him, one foot on either side of his back as I bend over to drain the juices from his thick, quivering cyst. 

What keeps our passion alive is that we always change things up. Even though we are well into our fifties now, I still regularly pop his zits in the bed, on the couch, in the shower, and even once on an airplane. We are bad!

We also use accessories to keep things interesting. My favorites are a blackhead extractor and a pair of rubber gloves, mmm. But honestly, sometimes the old-fashioned way is best: he’ll explode into my bare hand and we’ll both exhale with pleasure. 

From time to time we watch videos to get in the mood. Seeing people engaging in the passionate act of extraction gets my blood flowing, and gives me ideas for what I want to remove from John later! Of course, sometimes I get jealous of the sheer size and girth of other people’s zits, but I know these videos aren’t always realistic. 

Everyone talks about teenagers like they’re the only ones getting any acne. That’s simply not true! Sure, maybe sometimes it takes John a little longer to get a zit up. But once he does, seeing it squirt is no less exhilarating than it was when we were eighteen.

If you’re looking to rekindle your passions, remember it won’t happen overnight. Yes, John doesn’t always have whiteheads or cysts or even blackheads for me to squeeze. But I just have to be patient, and trust that one will form. 

In those cases, we get creative because, believe it or not, there are other ways for couples to be passionate besides just popping each other’s pimples. Maybe the hairs on his big toe need plucking, or he has a skin tag that needs freezing off.  

My point is, you can always find a connection — you just have to keep searching and not be afraid to really dig deep.