- I wonder how much prettier you’d look without all that embalming powder on.
- Woah. Throwback. My great nana also got buried in a pantsuit.
- Sorry honey, but you’re not the only person to have ever died, okay?
- You’re so attractive, it’s really too bad I only date alive girls.
- Not a lot of people went to your funeral. Were you a nerd or something?
- At least you’re dead so we can pretend it wasn’t your choice to get buried in that floral print.
- I love your coffin — from six feet above I can barely tell it’s made of plastic.
- I honestly didn’t know they even made urns that big.
- Does it usually take that many people to carry a casket?
- ‘Beloved friend.’ I’ll take it you wrote your own headstone?
- Seeing the area your burial plot’s in, I’d guess you left behind more of a ‘won’t’ than a ‘will.’
- Hmmm. My ex went skydiving and she’s still alive.
- I’ve never seen you look so good! You really should’ve considered getting impaled by a tree branch before you died.
- You died falling into a manhole? Maybe your family should’ve just said it was a heart attack.
Little Old Lady Comedy 