On the Internet: Comment on people’s silly Instagram posts with  a generous “hahaha!”

In person: Never laugh.

On the Internet: Reply to comments on your Facebook status with a “Thanks for the love.”

In person: Never show affection.

On the Internet: Post a filtered picture of you frolicking in a thong on the beach.

In person: Fear the water and the air.

On the Internet: Write a viral article about being sociable at parties.

In person: Never confront your agoraphobia.

On the Internet: Tweet an inspiring quote about self care.

In person: Refuse to wash when sad.

On the Internet: Post a pic of you smiling at a mall food court.

In person: Have food allergies no one wants to hear about.

On the Internet:  Post a lot of romantic looking pictures of you and your friend Dave.

In person: Don’t let anyone touch you for a decade.