Abstinence

Condoms

Track your cycle

Become a cycler

Get a crotch injury from too much cycling

 

Close your knees

Close a collapsible stroller (without instructions)

Close on a fixer upper

Never fixer up it

 

Sleep in a twin bed

Find your long lost twin

Take your sister’s twins camping (a.k.a. The Reverse Parent Trap)

 

Google “how to become a nun”

Make sure virgin birth just a fluke

Apply to convent

 

Graduate from convent

Marry God

He says he changed his mind – He does want kids

 

Divorce God

Get a cat

Get an additional cat every year until menopause.