Ginny Hogan

What Happens When a Phone Rings In Yoga Class

low angle view of woman relaxing on beach against blue sky

  • The class comes to a stand-still.
  • Everyone holds the pose they’re currently in without moving. Loud noises could cause the instructor to be unable to find the phone.
  • This pose is plank, always.
  • The instructor walks to the back of the room where the bags are to find the phone in question.
  • The instructor digs through the bags, throwing the contents on the ground until she (or he but realistically she) acquires said ringing phone.
  • The instructor answers the phone. It’s the doctor calling to tell a patient she has cancer.
  • The instructor takes the phone and breaks it in half using her chaturanga upper-body strength.
  • The rest of the class drops to their stomachs in relief once the phone stops ringing.
  • The cancer patient is already on her stomach on account of she’s not very strong.
  • The cancer patient never knows she had cancer.
  • She doesn’t get treatment and dies 2 months later.
  • The class resumes.

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