- I just don’t really see this going anywhere because I don’t like you.
- What’s your venmo handle?
- I’m sorry, you remind me too much of my ex who I hated and thought was ugly.
- I’m not looking to date right now. I should never have downloaded 8 dating apps and matched with you on all of them.
- Do you really think your Tinder pictures are accurate?
- What’s your social security number?
- Our date was fun but I’m looking for someone a little bit smarter than you.
- I think I left my condom up your anus.
- We should get coffee again at an indeterminate time in the distant future after I see how my next 8 Bumble dates go
- Can you introduce me to your friend Kate?
- Can you introduce me to your sister?
- Hahah no the date was not fun. She was lame and unattractive and talked about pigeons the whole time. Oh shit — wrong message. That was for my friend Paul. Regarding, uhh, my kid’s nanny. Nice to meet you!
- Do you need a dog walker?
- Would you be willing to help me study for the LSAT for free?
- Haha, are you also getting cold sores?
- Want to come to my improv show Friday?
Little Old Lady Comedy 